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Distanced Couple

COUPLES THERAPY

It is not abnormal for couples to sometimes disagree over things both large and small but where sometimes you can’t agree to disagree then the potential for conflict is ever present. Where these relationship differences are not managed then inevitability communication breaks down, a negative emotional tone sets in and the partnership starts to fail.

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Factors that can cause the initial conflict to occur can be:

  • The perception of doing less or caring less for each other.

  • Unrealistic or unhelpful relationship demands from either or both sides

  • unresolved differences in attitudes and values and refusal to compromise.

  • Communication difficulties and unhelpful communication patterns.

  • Emotional or physical abuse.

  • Resistance patterns and power struggles involving cycles of pursue-withdraw, attack-withdraw and withdraw-withdraw.

  • Behavioural patterns that are either destructive or addictive

  • Inappropriate relationship behaviours and infidelity. Issues around trust and jealousy

  • Big life events  surround death, birth, Illness or employment changes which leads to you pulling in different directions

  • Lack of trust or understanding over financial matters

In fact any situation where a couple are not aligned and fail to agree on a certain issue can lead to conflict if not managed healthily and respectfully by both partners.

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Some couples see therapy as a healthy way of ensuring their relationship remains on track and embrace seeking ways in which to ensure their relationship remains the best it can be and both get equal joy and satisfaction from the relationship.

Many couples however see therapy as a last resort prior to separation or one partner may have a desire to make the relationship work but can’t move on from an episode of blame or shame and the other partner is ready to move on either with or from the relationship.

Neither reason for visiting a therapist is wrong and both are equally able to be dealt with with a preferred outcome.

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I have an absolute unassailable belief that change is possible and so many times in my clinic I have seen “broken”couples find a way to move forward either as a couple or as individuals and break the pattern in which they are both so stuck.That is why it is so satisfying to do the job that i do.

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I use a blend of cognitive behavioural therapy(CBT), Neuro Linguistic programming (NLP) Solution focused brief therapy and Hypnotherapy so as you can see I use a multi approach pulling the most relevant parts of each discipline to help with couples.

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I am extremely practical and pragmatic in my approach, it might be that you both do not want to repair the relationship as you have both agreed on a split but need to work out a pathway to doing it respectfully without an army of solicitors and all the associated needless pain if children are involved in the split. To me it does not matter. What I am seeking in you is a shared outcome that you both would like to happen then work toward making it happen.

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Without sounding like the sessions are fun ( I am always aware of the reasons couples come to see me) Our time together is not full of problem talk and digging up the past and I am consistently surprised how quickly the vast majority of the couples that come to see me feel better and more equipped and future focused in a such a short space of time. You have probably spent enough time in conflict prior to seeing me that most couple find it really beneficial to “figure things out”

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I am not a judge and i will NEVER make a judgment on either of you or take a side. In truth my opinion is almost irrelevant.I don’t give you the answers. My job as your therapist is simply to ask you the right questions for you both to come to your own conclusions which are hopefully aligned.

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